The Motivation behind the Loss.

Last week, I lost a friend. A friend whom every time I blog, I will remember that it was this very place that brought us together.

Flashback to 2007. She said Hello in the form of an email saying how much she enjoyed reading my blog. It was always a fun read for her to read more about my wedding preparations, how it was like adapting to life after marriage and well being a girl in her twenties. I took pride that I had a fan in my readers and we scheduled a meetup. 

It was the first meet up and very cleverly she chose a place that I continued to enjoy the food for the longest time. Cappadocia at river valley. We met, we chatted, we laughed and we giggled. Since then, we have had many meetups, and we even went for a holiday trip together and we became close as ever. 

She was this bubbly girl that always had something witty, something sarcastic, something funny to say that would cheer me up by a mile. Naz slowly and surely became the sister I never had. Each time I had an issue I could not get around, she was there to knock my head, bring some senses into it, and make sure I problem solved my way though. She is that brilliant a friend, and she was always open about her thoughts and ideas. That alone, gained my respect. 

For the seven years that I have known her, there was never a moment I saw her without a smile, there was never a day she went without being positive, and there was never a day she lived solely for herself. She was all about making her life count by making the people in her life count. Her family, her friends, acquaintances, everybody. 

It was through her that I discovered my love for giving back to the society too. Along with her endless help and advice, I managed to raise almost $10k from my blog platform to help out children in an orphanage. And it was a priceless experience, something I can never thank her enough for in this lifetime and after. She was the most selfless person I knew, and her generosity in wealth and knowledge to the people around her is endless. And I am one of those lucky ones who have benefited from having known her in this lifetime. 

Five years ago when I was pregnant with my first child, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. It has been a long and brave fight for my dear friend, and right down to three months ago, she was still as jovial as ever and still making an impact in many of our lives. Unfortunately her condition turned for the worst in recent months and it was devastating to see her being reduced to a state of suffering, pain and exhaustion. She passed away last Saturday. 

Naz was my first friend I lost through sickness and death. It is a devastating thing to go through. Looking back, I see many footprints she had left for us to remember her by. The wise words she used to say to me which I will remember for as long as I can. She was a teacher for more than a decade, and she had left her legacy in the many teacher friends she had as well as the children she had taught. More than ten years of children who remember her by as Ms Nazlin, the teacher who shaped their future. That in its own right is a huge feat. Because she was someone who advocated being the voices of the children, and being an educator who devotedly worked for the best of children's interests, her legacy remains in me in my teaching journey too. 

Naz, this is for you. One day, I will be a great teacher just like you were and I dedicate it all to you my friend. You will always be my motivation to do better. You are dearly missed in presence but never in thoughts because I believe you have etched a deep mark in my heart and mind forever. I love you my friend.

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The goodness that comes in ways that you may not see yet.

I consider myself quite fortunate, for not having to suffer the pain of losing a loved one through sickness or death in the years that I've lived. Except the one time I was a teen and I lost my beloved uncle to lung cancer. But that was a very long time ago, and I was still relatively too young to feel the real pain of loss. Then, even losing a boyfriend was considered painful and heartbreaking. How naive.

Three days ago during the long Easter weekend, I recieved news that a very close friend, almost akin to a sister, was in a critical condition and things were not looking optimistic for her. This was devastating news to me, and I really did not know how to react to it, than to cry. I think I did just that for the past three days, post visiting her. 

There were many regrets that I had. For not making the extra effort to meet up more, for not doing so much for her since I became a mother, for taking for granted that our friendship is going to stand through time... For... Simply not being there. 

We share a couple of close friends together, and it is due to this sad news that we all reconnected again to come stand by her side through this rough times. And we all felt the same kind of guilt and regret. 

One said "such is the fragility of life, yet why do we not see it till we lose someone dear to us?" 

While family is important, we must realise that friends are just as important. They are a second set of family God has granted us. And it is through friends that we still learn things from to make us a better, wiser person. We have a lot to thank for with friendships, just that we do not often do, sadly. 

One thing that will come out good behind this devastating news is how my friends and I have decided that we should never, ever procrastinate to meet up anymore. We shall not take our friendship for granted. Time can never be made up for. We will always be too busy to meet up, but some days, everything else can take a back seat while we focus on where we were before becoming parents and before our careers took shape. Yes, the friendships that were built and have been there the whole while. 

I pray that a miracle happens and our friend is returned to us in better health, but I also pray that God grants her the best of which He thinks is for her. Whichever, my heart and love is always reserved for this very special person, one whom I'm eternally grateful for knowing and loving.