Thursday, March 21, 2013

Oh, spare me these moms!

My husband always said, women have big issues with their own kind. I agree and that is why I do not have much female friends, I would really rather hang out with the boys from back then in school and till today. I find boys so much easier to communicate with, and you know... they just do not take things too personal. Women relationships tend to be a little tad more sensitive and well, complicated.

However since I became a mom, it's like the norm to actually mix along with the ladies who are fellow mommies. I am fine with that, given that I fall under the new mom category who would appreciate a bit of child talk with women who share the same experiences. So yes, I have gained a lot more lady friends since I have stepped into the world of motherhood. While it can be a win-win situation to have more mommy friends (ie. more playdates, more info, more help), there are some "moms" that I really appreciate not getting too close for comfort. These are the PCDOJ Moms as I would like to term them.

Most of us are protective mothers, we protect our children from harm, and we protect our children from being hurt. Protection is definitely a natural maternal instinct, but there really is a limit to how much we should protect our children. There is a fine thin line drawing between protective and over-protective.

Eg1. P-mom feeds child organic food. She brings her child to a birthday party and starts fussing about the food being unhealthy, inorganic, non-nutritiousness. P-mom then stops her child from eating any food served from the party, and proceeds on giving the hosts a talk on the importance of serving good healthy food.

Eg2. P-mom carries infant in her sling while at a friend's housewarming event. Other guests come up to P-mom and says "oh how cute she is. Can I carry her?" P-mom turns her child away and says "Oh I am so sorry, but my child doesn't like strangers"

Then comes competitive mothers. This is something we all cannot run away from in this dog-eat-dog world. Naturally when we get pregnant, we are all anxious to know of mommies who are in the same pregnancy stage as us so as to share knowledge, stresses and basically just to feel that you are not alone in this. However, as we move along to having had our child, and our child's early years, these are the same anxious parent friends who are going to bombard you with questions like "Have your child rolled yet? Oh mine has! How come yours haven't done so?" And trust me, keep these friendships and the questions will go on until, "Has your son been enlisted to NS? Oh which unit? What rank? Aiya Civil defence only ah? Mine's in the navy leh."

Basically whatever your child can do, their child can do better.

These are the "jump down your throat if you say anything bad about my child" type. And I wouldn't say badmouth a child, but a simple comment about the child may get you into a whole lot of trouble. These are the same moms who would live by theories of parenting just to prove their point of right in their choice of parenting style instead of simply trusting their maternal gut.

Eg1. D-mom is being told her child seems to experience a little stranger anxiety. D-mom goes home, reads up an encyclopedia of social behavior in children, and states her case the next time she sees the same friend who made that remark. "Dr Sears says that my child is perfectly normal, she is NOT anti-social and there really is no need for socializing at her age! The most important bond is between her and myself, and I make on-the-spot decisions on what works best for both me and my baby. So I adopt attachment parenting, and my child is growing up fine". 

Okay, back off my friend. All you said was the child seemed a little anxious with strangers! Geez, lighten up yes?

Other examples would include teachers telling parents on autistic or ADHD tendencies in their children, to which parents will rebutt "There is nothing wrong with my child. He is fine at home under my care!"

Obsessive moms are the funniest of the lot. Perhaps all of us have been there, done that before. Especially so for first time mothers. We go ga-ga over every first milestone, and we simply want to shout out to the world how cute our baby is! That is perfectly normal. But bear in mind, when at functions, you do not have to hog the limelight with every detail of your child. Give others a chance to show off their children too! It's a mom trait, we all want to share how wonderful having a child and being a mother is. Share the limelight, and the world would be a better place!

Also, know your target audience. If you are around people who do not have children, or are not interested in children, the last thing they want to hear is how you spent the last 5 months through motherhood, and how traumatizing your labor was.

Last but not least, we have my least favorite type of moms. JUDGMENTAL moms. Judgmental people are already quite a nuisance, but judgmental moms are a million times worse. These moms judge other moms on every issue deemed important in the encyclopedia of mom-hood.

"So, you mean you went through C-section/Elective C-Section? Gee, mothers who go through natural birth are those who really go through the real idea of motherhood! We are the ones who went through pain for our children!" What do you know about the pain of labor? All u did was to go through an operation."

"You don't breastfeed? But don't you want the best for your child? Breastmilk is the best for your child! Only a mother who breastfeeds develops a close bond with the baby, you don't know what you're missing out."

"SAHMs are mothers who truly want the best for their children. Mothers who work are vain and selfish!"

"Sahms don't do much for their kids. oh please, all they do is stay at home!"

"Look at that mom, she is screaming at her child in public. I should teach her a thing or two about gentle parenting!"

Oh spare me the holier-than-thou crap please. You do your mom thing, and I'll do mine, okay?


Having said that, I still appreciate my mom friends. I love those who can take a joke or two knowing how we all either fall into one category or another at times. But if you are the kind of mom who falls into all the categories at a single time, then well.... I wouldn't be organizing that play date with you after all!


  1. How come don't have simply boh chap mom??? Not boh chap the kids but boh chap what the PCDOJ mom kekeke~

    1. That's because I have no issues with bochap moms. they are the funnest of the lot!

    2. Hahaha~ we are too nice to be ignored!
      *oops* Did I just say WE? As in ME included??

  2. I love this post! I'm sure I'm guilty of being one of the above at times :p

    1. Hee, undoubtedly I think we all do at times yes!

  3. Admittedly I have a bit of every traits, bit I think I don't display all traits at one single time. So I am safe. Phew!

    1. Haha undeniably it's a bit hard not to fall into any of the categories at all! We are all guilty of being a bit protective, obsessive, competitive and defensive over our precious children, but most of us do mellow down when meeting other moms, because we don't want to come across as too overbearing! :)

  4. Eh. I am a bit of everything!!! You forgot OCDs. :p

    1. Hahaha, u zhun bo? OCD moms, u eh? Again, i think most moms have OCD characteristics, especially those who stay at home and take care of their children. We have OCD to nag, nag and nag!

  5. Why got no LOUSY Mum who let the kid eat and try everything within reason?

    Let him play in the rain.
    Let him eat chips at midnight.
    Let him sleep at anytime he wants, because that would mean this working Mum would also get to spend more time with him...
    Let him drink everything with ice (and the ice made of non-boiled water, no less!)

    I'm also a bit of all of the above Mums la. Sad but true... but for ONE major exception.

    I keep my opinions to myself, and don't force it down anyone else's (including the boy's) throat! :)

    Swee boh?

    1. SWEE!! I mean I am also like that (refer to above!) haha most of the times, I think although I can be very bochap also. But like u said, don't force it down other's la right. It's very annoying to be judged, and criticized or advised by other moms thinking they got it right. LOL.