However though, we had to review that status recently. Reason being, I had my practicum to fulfill for the next one year or so. What started as a "try out for the sheer fun of it" job application turned out to be quite a dream job offer for me, and I was weighed with the difficulty of making a decision of whether to return to the workforce or to stay as stay home mother to my boys. In all honesty, I would normally give up the world for my boys. But having the practicum in mind, it really was now or later that I went job hunting. And really, I was offered a too-good-to-decline job, one that not only will give us added monetary luxury, but also be a good portfolio to add to my curriculum vitae. I took about a month to weigh all my pros and cons before reverting to the company, and trust me That one month was an emotional roller coaster for me. I cried every morning thinking of how I would not be able to see their morning faces and embrace their tight morning hugs. It also hurt thinking of how my twenty-hour time spent with them will be cut to be about half of that once I started working. The mental trauma of putting my children through to Childcare, and hearing my eighteen month old wail like his world had just shattered... Was shattering enough for me. So I toyed around with the idea of giving up my studies (and practicum) just for the sake of my boys. But then again, I had obtained pretty awesome grades for the last two semesters, and it would be a tremendous waste for me to give that all up.
Finally, there was a glimmer of hope, when my closest aunt offered to come by to care for my boys in the comfort of the home environment while I went to work from eight hours. Of course, I was still a little heartbroken at the thought of being separated with my boys I am so used to being with all day. But I decided to take on the job and make the best of the situation. Like I said, I did not really have a choice, and on the hindsight, I could give them a better future having obtained experience working at a relatively prestigious school (yes I am in the education sector).
It's been a month of ups and downs since I started work, and resumed school after a six week break. Juggling duties and deadlines with school and work, the household chores amidst mothering my boys has been challenging. Most days, I wished I had double the twenty-four hours, and triple the pair of hands. However though, I have never felt this accomplished in the last decade of being an adult. I am doing very well in three very different aspects (work, school, home) of my life, and instead of being too hard on myself, I should really just give myself a huge pat on my back.