No one said it was going to be easy. It was definitely one of the hardest periods of my life, and I had to make the toughest decisions just so I could achieve what I had signed up for. As if being a mother alone wasn't time consuming enough, I had to put aside time to finish up assignments, group projects, attend class and settle petty group disagreements. It was not just time consuming, but very exhausting at times. Each and every time I had to neglect my children for school, I would feel an inch of guilt creep up my heart. But I kept myself strong because what I was studying, was entirely for them. After all, the main reason for me to go back to school and take this course in early childhood education was because I wanted to homeschool my children, and I wanted to do so with the proper credentials to my name.
Sometime six months ago, a bigger challenge/dilemma/problem happened. I had to fulfill a six month internship program which meant that I will be sent into the working field while I sent my children for alternative care arrangements. This was the most toughest thing I had to endure because A) I have never left my children under the care of others before, B) and I don't intend to ever do that either. Childcare has never been an option in my books, since I hated the idea of my children spending the entire day (7am-7pm) in a school environment at such a young age. My husband was not so agreeable as well, so we ended up compromising between us both to shoulder taking care of the kids for two halves of the day. We ended up with this arrangement for 6 months while I worked as a half day teacher.
11am: send the kids to school
1pm: I report to work
4pm: The husband leaves work early to fetch the kids.
5pm: I knock off work and meet them at home.
Occasionally, the husband sends the kids over to my workplace, then returns to work. Truth be told, this arrangement took a toll not only on our health, but also on his job. After all, he was an employed worker and for him to be ending work early on a daily basis just was not healthy at all. Furthermore, I could not commit to work on my end as well, since I had to rush to and fro to send and fetch the boys. Hence, I wasn't able to come early, or end late for work at any one point of time. Even when I had tons of work pending in my hands.
Six months of this arrangement had finally ended, and we breathed a huge sigh of relief. I ended work together with the kids I taught on the last day of the term (I will blog about that emotional process sometime soon!) and I am back into the loving arms of my children... and husband. No more worries, no more stress, no more neglect. Work has ended, school has ended, and I am finally back as a mom. A full-time mom, no less.
Of course, I am not saying being a full-time mom is any easier, but it sure goes easy on the heart at least. I can finally take my boys out for field trips on a weekday with no hurry, no pressure and lots of fun. I can also finally let them play and learn, without having to rush or stop. Our homeschooling flow will be back as we start the new year, and I am definitely looking forward to that with all the new knowledge and skills I have learnt in my three year study course.
Apart from homeschooling, I'll also have more time to blog (now you know my reason for missing in action!), attend media invites and concentrate on some personal projects I have in mind. It is going to be enriching! I love teaching, so I won't give that up entirely, no. But first, let me be a teacher to my children!
|Gift from my internship supervisor.|
Here's to a new beginning!